The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
