I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I intend to get homeless drunk
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
