yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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