just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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