Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
