it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
