So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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