how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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