i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I love you.
Bad choice
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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