Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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