dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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