I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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