dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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