She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
