and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my shit smells like andre
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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