Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
