I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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