she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
