when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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