just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
