smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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