There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize