oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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