After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I am available for nakedness
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
