so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
