I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm too high and old for this...
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