Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
