the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
