so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
