That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
