Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
