I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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