i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
