Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
