I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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