it was like his penis was on wheels.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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