your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Randomize
