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Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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