the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
