Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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