i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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