No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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