I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
