yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You ruined the universe
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
