is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
