Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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