HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
