I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
