she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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