He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
