Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
