Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
