I need help removing her.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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