Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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