WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
