I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
