i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
