Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize