This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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