Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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