I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
MIDGETS
????
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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