The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
