just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
