You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
