I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
