We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Alive.
So much puke
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
