she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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