:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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