We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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