He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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