he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
