I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
