As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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