i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i believe in u and ur pee
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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