How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
