I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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