I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
from now on my penis is your penis
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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