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1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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