I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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