At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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