I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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