Plan B is the new Plan A
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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