Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
