i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
