we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
