So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
