I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
