Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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