whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
