When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
