so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
