Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
