you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
