and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize