i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
