just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
