Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
