I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize