Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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