I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
