Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
