Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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