We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
