I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
