somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
