Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry lIlIlIlI hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...

Fav 1 1116 1316
share tweet
(760): View more from California

Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?

Fav 24 1168 4798
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(904): View more from Florida

to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning

Fav 8 1348 3007
share tweet
(602): View more from Arizona

As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.

(208): View more from Idaho

I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.

Fav 7 1947 1004
share tweet
(757): View more from Virginia

Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick

Fav 8 761 1268
share tweet
(310): View more from California

If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.

Fav 1 1279 558
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(404): View more from Georgia

Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me

Fav 6 1495 589
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(913): View more from Kansas

So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.

Fav 0 102 9
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(870): View more from Arkansas

If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.

Fav 0 90 9
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT