I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
