so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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