Your mouth is God's brothel.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is Oprah even human
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
