Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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