Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize