Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
