I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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