Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just google imaged poop.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
