I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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