The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
