Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
