need another drink. this is the easiest way
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
