i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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