My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
