I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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