I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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